this boner is exhausting
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
