I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
