So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
