MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
