Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
