You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
