Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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