I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
