There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
