who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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