I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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