you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
