you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
