Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
