Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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