that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
