Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
