I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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