I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Randomize
