This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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