What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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