if you like me you must not know who I am
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
