Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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