She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
