hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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