It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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