you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
