Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
and eventually we just all took our pants off
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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