I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
