just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
