is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
