God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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