Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
