I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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