That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
