Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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