I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
