I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
