I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
