whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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