Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I need moral support for this bender
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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