i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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