I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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