the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
did you just send me my own nude
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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