I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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