If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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