So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
