I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you didnt know i had herpes?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Randomize
