Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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