i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
