just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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